Tip 93: Lower Your Pitch to Sound More Authoritative and Credible.

We generally use musical terms to categorize people’s voices: soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, and bass. People with a high-pitched voice give the impression of being nervous, immature, lacking in confidence, or even slightly emotional and hysterical. People with low pitches sound confident and competent.

You can modify your own voice once you become aware of your pitch; voice coaches and self-help tapes and books tell you exactly how to effect and practice this change. If you want to make it to the board room, adopt the lower hushed tones most often heard there.

Tip 94: Speak at a Slower Rate to Convey Seriousness, Authority, and Thoughtful Deliberation.

A slow rate of speech implies well-chosen words and underscores the import of the message. The pace give a listener time to contemplate what’s being said and attach the appropriate significance.

Tip 95: Speak at a Faster Rate to Convey Excitement, Enthusiasm, and Energy.

A faster rate creates interest and demands attention. The pace makes listeners work hard at hearing and translating what’s being said, but prevents opportunity for their minds to wander. They have to “listen up” to stay up.

Tip 96: Use the Appropriate Volume.

Loudness has become synonymous with vulgarity and unruliness; a soft volume has come to mean shyness, nervousness and even incompetence. Stay away from these two extremes.

Tip 97: Avoid Mannerisms and Toys When You Talk.

Watch trying to talk with a pen, pencil, paper clip, toothpick, or gum in your mouth. Other annoying habits include scratching your head, jerking a knot in your tie or scarf, jingling money or keys, strumming your fingers, twirling your pen or stapler or letter opener, clearing your throat, or snapping your fingers. Besides making it more difficult to understand you, these trinkets and mannerisms detract from an image of authority.

Tip 98: Place Your Office Furniture So That People Respect Your Personal Space.

If people seem to “lean over” and around you as they work, consider your own work space and equipment or desk items. Are they functionally placed so people who interact with you can reach what they need without invading your sense of space? Either use the “obstacles” to reinforce the personal space you need or remove them to create an open, inviting space for others to enter.

Tip 99: Respect Status with Your Eye Contact.

The person with more authority has the privilege or responsibility of making or breaking eye contact. If you continue to stare belligerently after someone has broken eye contact and “dismissed” you, your behavior may be considered defiant and rude.

Tip 100: Don’t Point Your Finger.

People often associate this gesture with an authoritarian in their life–a scolding parent or teacher or boss. Most people are turned off by a wagging finger in their face.

Tip 101: Tell Your Body What Mood You’re Supposed To Be In.

When a person feels sexy or romantic, the voice takes on a different pitch, the breathing rate changes, the eyes flirt, and the gestures and movement become more fluid. Or when an individual feels laid-back and informal, the voice seems to yawn with little or no energy, the eyes dim, the movements become more haphazard. All that coordination between mood and body is fine–unless the mood is inappropriate for the time, place, or relationship.

Tip 76: Avoid the Term Negotiate When Possible.

The word negotiate connotes a winner and a loser, or at best a compromise between two dissatisfied people. Instead of “negotiating” use phrasing such as “come to an agreement,” “work out a plan,” or “arrive at a workable solution.” Wording goes a long way in establishing a friendly atmosphere where everybody feels like a winner.

Tip 77: Consider Several Kinds of Goals Before You Begin Discussions.

To make sure you don’t get sidetracked in talking, identify several different kinds of goals: your primary goal, your immediate goals, your long-term goals, your “nice to haves,” and your safeguards. Within each of these frameworks, set ranges. What is the “best” you can expect and what is the “worst” position you can accept? Keep all in mind as you work toward agreement.

Tip 78: Research Your Position and the Situation.

Take the time and make the effort to support your position or requests. Read. Gather statistics. Talk to experts. Survey others for majority opinions. When you get ready to talk, you’ll have adequate facts and opinions to support what you want done. And the more you know, the better your position to negotiate a win for everybody involved.

Tip 79: Set Up a Cooperative Atmosphere.

When the other person feels like a loser in your discussions, you’ll worsen your own position. Yes, work to get what you need, but work also to get the other person what he or she needs. Body language, tone, and word choice go a long way in establishing cooperation rather than competition.

Tip 80: Give Something at the Very Beginning.

When you start a discussion, be gracious enough to offer something for the good of the others involved: give them a small gift, buy them dinner, spend extra time with them, give attention to their hobby or family, or concede a point. Thoughtfulness in any of these ways returns to dividends. Giving something makes the other person feel as though he or she should reciprocate.

Tip 81: State Your Needs Up Front and Ask the Other Person to Do the Same.

You can both investigate invalid assumptions and find common areas of agreement before you tackle more difficult issues. Often people are surprised–pleasantly–that people’s wants and needs are easier to satisfy than they first assumed.

Tip 82: Mention Everything You Want Sooner, Not Later.

If you delay in mentioning a key issue until later in the discussion, chances are the other person will consider your attempt to be deceptive. To avoid casting doubt on your intentions, start with all the issues on the table.

Tip 83: Bring Success Stories to the Table.

As you begin discussions about conflicts or needs, suggest that both of you relate ways you’ve seen other people solve the same problem or conflict you’re facing. Tossing out these stories as alternatives offers a starting point for your own situation in a “safe” way–sharing them reminds both people that success is possible.

Tip 84: Make Good Eye Contact as You Negotiate.

If you avoid eye contact or look at the other person only briefly as you talk, that person may interpret your lack of contact as evasiveness, dishonesty, incompetence, or lack of conviction. To show your honesty and openness, look at people directly.

Tip 85: Start on the Less Important Issues and Work Toward the More Difficult.

You’ll gain momentum toward agreement, and you’ll have more time invested in finding a resolution. The more “success” you have in turning each minor point to a mutual advantage, the more emotional strength you’ll gain to work on the more complex issues.

Tip 86: Get Others to Invest in Agreement.

The more time, money, or effort people have spent in negotiating, the more likely they will continue trying to come to agreement. They hate to think all that work, money, and frustration, or delay has amounted to nothing. The more time they spend working with you to hammer out an agreement, the more committed they will be to working out any problems that crop up along the way.

Tip 87: Start with Goals, Then Move to Solutions.

If you start with solutions to a problem and one or both of you can’t accept the stated solutions, you may remain at odds forever. If, on the other hand, you state only your goals or motivations, then you can either accept or reject solutions as necessary and still come to an agreement that allows both of you to meet your goals.

Tip 88: Adopt a Brainstorming Technique to Generate Solutions.

Once you have stated goals or motivations, then generate possible solutions together as a team rather than as adversaries. After you have a list of possible solutions, select the best two or three solutions and focus on those. Finally, work out the details of each of those solutions and select the best.

Tip 89: Substitute “We” for “You and I.”

Let language imply your intention to work out an agreement to everyone’s advantage. Examples: “What would we have to do to get X to happen?” “What if we changed our criteria for hiring to include only five years’ experience?” “How can we design this schedule so your people don’t have to work overtime and so our people can meet the customer’s deadline?”

Tip 90: Tag the Other Person’s Unalterable Positions.

As you brainstorm solutions and test the details, tag unalterable positions the other person mentions or implies. Determine the difference between “won’ts” and “can’ts.” Once you tag the unalterables, you’ll know how much leeway you really have in coming to agreement.

Tip 91: Ask for More Than You Expect.

First, you might be surprised and get everything that you want. Additionally, you allow yourself room to move–trading coupons for other issues you want to buy during the discussion. Finally, you have some spare coupons to give to the other person to make him or her feel like a winner also.

Tip 92: Negotiate by “The Golden Rule.”

Treat others with the same respect for their best interests as you would like to have shown for your own best interests. This rule should set the stage and raise and lower the curtain on any successful discussion.

Tip 68: Answer One Question at a Time; Avoid Multiples.

When someone asks you multiple questions in one large chunk, you have several choices: (1) Answer all of them. (2) Pick one or two to answer. (3) Lump them all together and give a general answer. Examples: “You’ve asked three good questions. For the sake of time, let me deal with only the last one….” “Whoa–I don’t know if I can remember all those. Let me pick out a couple to respond to….” “Your questions really all point to one concern, I think: Do we know how to Y? I can answer in a word–yes.”

Tip 69: Stop Your Own Monologue Answers.

Long-winded answers irritate as much as long-winded questions. If you intend to wax on about an issue, seek a group platform where the audience knows you intend to give a speech and grants you the privilege. If your answer runs longer than 30 to 45 seconds, you’re no longer in a dialogue; it’s a monologue. If you feel you’re going on too long and haven’t finished what you intended to say, pace yourself by stopping to ask the other person for some reaction to what you’ve just said–do they agree, disagree, not care, have different information? Then, after you listen to their comments, deliver your next point on the earlier answer.

Tip 70: Turn a Negative Question into a Benefit Statement.

A customer asks, “Why do you have so much red tape associated with these service agreements?” “Benefit” answer: “Why does having a list of all the company liaisons benefit you: Well, let’s say Kathy in your word processing department calls for service. Within seconds, we can check the file, verify her as an authorized contact, and answer her question while she’s on the line–without waiting for a callback. You’re doing the paperwork up front in providing us names of liaisons saves you time when you have a problem and need service immediately.”

Tip 71: Bridge from the Questioner’s Agenda to Yours.

If you don’t want to answer the question you’re asked, bridge to your own points with one of the following: “I appreciate your question, but more to the point in our organization, I think, is the issue of X. The X issue involves…” or “A more fundamental issue than that in your question is…” or “The larger question than the one you raise is…” Chase your own rabbits.

Tip 72: Know When Flippant Answers Are Out of Line.

Having a sense of humor is an advantage in any situation, but flippant answers about serious issues or during a time crunch frustrate people. Some people find themselves tossing out humor when they can’t face issues squarely. Try to identify those times when you’re using humor as an avoidance technique. Recognize that even humor, however generally welcome and refreshing, has a time and a place.

Tip 73: Forget Feedback if You Want to Show Confidence in Your Answer.

In situations with your superiors, to end a question with “Did I answer your question?” or “Did I cover what you wanted to know?” makes you appear insecure, lacking confidence in your ability to answer. Give the best answer you can and wait for your superior to assume his or her question was unclear or inadequate. If the question is rephrased, make another attempt to answer it.

Tip 74: Use Verbal Stalls with Care.

As a lecturer or instructor, you may have learned to reinforce questioners or give yourself thinking time with comments such as “That’s a good question” or “I’m glad you brought up that point.” But when talking one on one, these comments may sound patronizing. And comments such as “As I mentioned earlier today in the staff meeting…” can sound like a verbal slap on the hand and a reprimand for not listening. They destroy rapport with your listener. Be silent with a reflective gaze rather than stall with judgmental phrases that sound as though you’re about to hedge, make something up, or respond with great reluctance.

Tip 75: Remember That the Whole Performance Counts.

When it comes to questions, style is equal to substance. Your competence can be communicated in the clarity, resourcefulness, and conciseness of the content; in your delivery of the answer—with courtesy, confidence, composure, concern; and finally, in the results you achieve with your answer. Substance plus style equals success.

Tip 43: To Meet or Not to Meet—Study the Question.

How many times have you accepted an invitation to a lunch meeting only to realize that you spent an hour and a half on something that could have been done in a 5-minute phone call or a 10-minute memo? The higher you go, the busier you get. And the meetings you attend must count. If you get a reputation for conducting useless meetings, the busiest and best people won’t show up.

If you’re asking to attend someone else’s typically unproductive meetings, defer with one of the following: “Is attendance mandatory?” “I’m unavailable. Is my attendance important enough to change my schedule?” “Could I send a representative?” “Would you mind if I offer my input in writing or by phone?” Others will generally surmise that you expect meeting time to be well spent.

Tip 44: Call a Meeting Only for the Right Reasons.

When you call a meeting, make it significant and be prepared. In a client situation, you may have been working on a deal for months that will either thrive or nosedive on a single meeting. The higher you go in your own organization, the more expectations others have for your abilities to conduct yourself in a meeting–either as a participant or leader. Take things seriously.

Skip the meeting if you have nothing special to discuss, if you don’t need others’ input, if you have already made up your mind about what you plan to do, or if getting others involved would only complicate your plan.

Do call a meeting if you need to present information to a lot of people quickly and you don’t want to write it, if you want input from others on your idea, if you want to gain “buy in” from the team, or if you want to motivate and energize the team about the idea.

So how about the wrong reasons? Meeting as a substitute for work. Rubber-stamping a decision. Complaining. Demonstrating power to make everybody show up. Because joy and misery love company, sorting out true motivations may require some soul-searching.

Tip 45: Set an Agenda.

Some people think that agendas lend too much structure to a meeting, that people can’t be spontaneous, or that the atmosphere will be too formal. Nonsense. That’s like saying if you plan for a vacation by packing the right clothes, arranging for transportation, and deciding on a destination that you can’t relax and be spontaneous along the way.

If you’re leading the meeting, set an agenda. Use active verbs, summarize in a sentence the issue at hand, and let the group know what you expect on each issue–“for discussion only,” “for their information only,” “to collect your data,” or “for decision.” Whether you stay right with the agenda or take a few minutes’ detour, having an agenda will give others a little peace of mind that the meeting is going somewhere.

Tip 46: Start with the Most Important Idea or Issue and Work Backward.

There’s a great temptation to begin with the routine matters–the FYI items. But the all-too-frequent problem is that when you save the most controversial and important item until the last, you run out of time. Maybe a Freudian move?

Tip 47: Own the Setting.

If you plan a clandestine affair, go for a dark bar with soft music. If you want an energized group, go for a well-lit poolside table. If you want an informal chitchat session, try somebody’s office. If you want an equal, on-target exchange, look for a conference table in neutral territory. If you want authority and a no-nonsense atmosphere, schedule the boardroom. If you want to play host-and-guest, provide coffee and snacks in a parlor. Whatever your choice and purpose, if you’re in charge, be comfortable with and “own” the surroundings.

Tip 48: Stay Out in Front if You Intend to Lead.

Nothing frustrates more meeting attendees than having a supposed leader who doesn’t lead. State your role at the beginning and what authority the group will have. Do you intend simply to facilitate a discussion? Will you let them set the process and agenda? Do you intend to tell them how you will discuss each idea and come to a decision–consensus or vote? Do you intend to have the final say or will the group have authority to make the final decision? Are you going to keep the discussion moving or abdicate that responsibility to others randomly? Are you going to be a silent observer on each idea or do you plan to put in your two cents worth? Are you strong enough to stop a feeding frenzy should the stronger people begin to attack the weaker person’s ideas? When the group starts spinning its wheels, be there with a comment such as: “Where do we go from here?” “What’s the solution?” “Which way do you want to do?” “Let’s back up and redefine the problem.”

Tip 49: Encourage Participation from Others—If You Want It.

Some meetings serve only to inform. If that’s your purpose, tell the audience what you’re going to tell them and be done with it. But if your intention is to generate ideas, get feedback, or come to a decision, you may need to take a more active role in encouraging participation.

Try these techniques: Ask for a show of hands on an issue. Toss out an open-ended question and see who takes the ball. Toss out an open-ended question and suggest that you go around the circle and let everyone give his or her views individually. Present your question or issue in writing, give all members a copy, and ask them to jot their responses quickly. Take up the responses and read them to the group for reactions. Invite nonparticipators by name: “Carl, we haven’t heard from you–what do you think?” Finally, you might assign two or three people a devil’s advocate role and ask them to toss out any objections that they can think of.

Participation takes effort, and some people are too preoccupied, uninterested, or tired to contribute without encouragement.

Tip 50: Don’t Set People Up to Refute You.

If you’ve already made a decision and intend simply to present the decision at a meeting, say so. If you still have doubt that your decision or planned course of action is the best, say so. But not like this: “I’ve decided to do X unless someone has a serious objection.” Few will have the chutzpah to speak up. If you want to get feedback whether or not you plan to change your mind, try something like this: “I’ve decided to do X. What do you think the fallout will be from our customers/employees/management?” or “I plan to proceed with Y; what positives and negatives do you think I might have to deal with?”

Tip 51: Discuss Taboo Issues Anonymously.

If you know certain issues are hot topics and politically dangerous to careers, you have to work hard at creating a safe environment. Consider doing an anonymous survey on the issues and simply “reporting the results” for discussion. Or, you can quote anonymous sources from the grapevine. Say: “Someone has expressed the fear that….How do you think we can handle that fear?” “Other people have stated that they don’t intend to…What would make people feel that way? What suggestions do you have for convincing them otherwise?”

Tip 52: Participate; Don’t Pout.

Even if you didn’t want to attend and “you’re there,” be there. Listen to what’s going on rather than fidget with your paperwork, glance at your watch, or roll your eyes. Your body language can speak volumes to those who think the meeting is important and do want your ideas.

Tip 53: Summarize Frequently.

Whether or not you see your official role as the summarizer or leader, if no one takes on that role, do so. To keep the discussion moving on target, somebody had to recap what’s been said and point out the next topic for discussion.

Tip 54: Call for a Process Check Occasionally.

At times, the group process will stall. You’ll be talking in circles, covering the same territory. You’ll hear tempers flare. You’ll feel that people are under personal attack. You’ll notice that you are deciding, undeciding, and redeciding the same issues. Be the one who calls attention to such breakdowns: “We don’t seem to be getting anywhere. Let’s see where we got off track. We had started to brainstorm the Y issue. Does somebody have a more effective suggestion for moving us along?”

Tip 55: Don’t Digress, Ramble, or Sidetrack.

Determine that you’ll not be part of the biggest meeting problem of all. Stay on target. If you can’t remember the issue, jot yourself a note as the group moves from agenda item to item and refer to it often. Not only is the agenda topic important, but also you should keep track of where you are in the process of dealing with each topic. Are you into the overview? The analysis? The idea-generation phase? Suggesting solutions? Testing agreement on the proposed solutions? Don’t be two or three steps behind everyone else.

Tip 56: Omit War Stories.

While they have an audience of admirers, some people fall to the temptation of telling war stories, sharing inside jokes, and recounting wonderful things they once did. Unless time is of no importance to the rest of the group, don’t.

Tip 57: If you Don’t Have Something to Say, Don’t Say It.

Participating doesn’t mean you should necessarily feel obligated to comment on every issue. If someone hands you the baton and you have nothing to contribute, pass it on: “I think everybody has already expressed my views.” “I don’t have an opinion one way or the other.” “I don’t know a thing about the subject and don’t want to confuse the issue.” “Thanks, I’ll pass.” People will love you.

Tip 58: Don’t Set a Pattern of Expressing the “Downside.”

Yes, you will disagree from time to time and make a valuable contribution by expressing that differing viewpoint. But don’t make it a pattern. Offer solutions and encouragement when the others get down, dumb and defeated.

Tip 59: Disagree Without Being Disagreeable.

Never let yourself become a victim of “groupthink,” a condition in which group harmony becomes more important than results. If the purpose of a meeting is to generate ideas and get input, by all means speak up when you disagree. Just don’t be disagreeable. The difference is attitude.

Tip 60: Don’t Invalidate Others’ Feelings.

Examples: “Jim, I don’t know why you’re so punchy about that.” “Jennifer, there’s no reason to get so defensive.” “It’ll be okay, Javier–really, it will.” To say or imply that people don’t have a right to their feelings makes them robots. People do not live by logic alone.

Tip 61: Use Another’s Question As Your Platform.

An excellent way to get a message across without having to hog the floors is to look at someone’s question as a platform–an invitation to speak up. Have your prepared message ready and look for the opportunity to step in when someone raises the appropriate question. You’ll be accomplishing your goals on someone else’s time.

Tip 62: Be Flexible on the Issues.

We’re not talking about flip-flops like the politicians make–whatever the polls support today they “believe” tomorrow. Instead, be open to the facts and flexible in your feedback. The purpose of meetings–most staff meetings anyway–is to exchange ideas. If someone presents facts and sways your opinion, don’t hesitate to change your position. That’s not being wimpy; it’s democratic.

Tip 63: Listen to What’s Going On.

Consider listening to be more than the absence of talking. It takes careful attention. And listening increases in difficulty as the number grows from one person to a group of individuals all competing for airtime. Listen and interpret so that you’re not the one who’s always asking for a repeat of issues already discussed and clarified.

Tip 64: Remain Seated if You Want to Emphasize That You’re Tossing Out Ideas “Off the Cuff.”

Bringing up an idea while seated plays down your forethought and preparation. It conveys that the ideas are spontaneous and relevant to the issue at hand. Your position says that you’re on equal footing with the rest of the group and that you encourage give-and-take. As a result, you’ll probably get feedback, pros and cons, agreement and disagreement.

Tip 65: End With Impact: Don’t Just Fade Away.

If you’re presenting an idea, don’t limp away with a sputter. Don’t simply drop your eyes, tune out with body language, or let others grab the floor and run away with it. Bring the discussion to closure. Summarize your idea, the pros and cons mentioned, any decision made, and suggest the next follow-up step. Also take responsibility for the fate of the entire meeting. Do your part to make it successful. If the meeting is unproductive and disruptive, decide on the corrective action you’ll take next time to change the dynamics.

Tip 66: Don’t Sound Like a Broken Record.

Present your idea and support it. After a fair hearing, if the group nixes it, move on. Bring that discussion to an end and meet the next agenda item head on. Nothing irritates others more than having someone continue to bring up a pet proposal or peeve and whine, whine, whine.

Tip 67: Withhold Your Ideas Until Last if You Want to Encourage Others’ Input.

This strategy makes sense if you’re in a position of power to make the final decision. If you state your views first, your team may lapse into groupthink and let the matter pass without expressing concerns or opposing views. When that’s the case, toss out the issue, minus your opinion, and ask for others’ reactions first. The responses may be more honest.

In any case, don’t announce your decision or plan in such a way that people have to “refute” or “oppose” you to give you feedback. If you want feedback and forewarning of the difficulties, make it easy for people to speak their minds.

Tip 1: Find Commonalities.

People like people who are like them. And people believe and trust people they like. Try to discover attitudes, likes, dislikes, family backgrounds, experiences, personality virtues or quirks, careers, goals, or values that you have in common with others; then emphasize those commonalities. People reason that if you’re like them in some ways, you’re probably like them in other ways. Therefore, they begin to transfer trust as friend to friend.

Tip 2: Show Concern and Compassion.

People tend to trust people who show concern for them. When they bleed, they want to know others bleed with them. Even companies have to show concern over self-interest in times of crisis. During the Pepsi needle syringe-tampering reports, you may recall the criticism some expressed in the company’s handling of that crisis. When the public asked about the possibility of recalls, Pepsi officials embraced logic: the cans were bottled at different plants in different parts of the country; there was no logical patterns for the alleged tampering incidents. No recalls: logical decisions. But Pepsi received criticism not for what they said, but for what they didn’t say. The absence of what some believed to be concern about public safety. The same is true on an individual level. People have to feel your concern before they hear your words.

Tip 3: Demonstrate Cooperation with Good Intentions.

To be credible, you must demonstrate that you are acting in good faith to the best of your knowledge and ability. People must believe that you want to cooperate to help them achieve their personal and career goals. People will forgive you for poor judgment, but rarely for poor intentions.

Tip 4: Be Consistent.

We communicate by actions as well as words. We communicate by what we say and what we don’t say; by which policies we enforce and which policies we don’t enforce; by what we allow work time for and what we don’t allow work time for; by what we fund and what we don’t fund; by behavior we reward and behavior we punish; by what we do and what we criticize others for doing; by what we ask for and what we’re willing to give in return. To be credible, our words have to match our policies, performance, and plans.

Tip 5: Demonstrate Competence.

People flock to experts, star performers, wise decision makers, and winners. People don’t intentionally invest their money in poorly performing stock; neither do they want to invest trust in people they doubt can achieve what they claim. To be led, either by words or actions, followers need to have faith in your competence to perform. They want to know you can win the game. They want to know you can finish the project successfully. They want to know you can turn the company around.

So how do leaders inspire confidence in their abilities while seeming modest and likable as people? They as leaders have to acknowledge accomplishments but avoid arrogance. Difficult, but not impossible. How? The attitude behind the talk turns the tables.

Tip 6: Be Correct.

Few people set out to be incorrect; it’s just that when they have missing information, they make assumptions or reason wrongly. Instead of informing, they misinform unintentionally. Whether or not people routinely ask for the source of your information or conclusions, be ready to provide it. If they ask for sources, rather than be offended, welcome such testing questions as credibility checkers.

Why would people want sources for relatively insignificant information? Because we test validity on all important matters by considering the source. How do we test the source of important information? By checking the credibility of all information coming from that same source. Credibility is circular. Credibility in the insignificant breeds credibility for the significant. Once you’re caught in an error, credibility creeps back ever so slowly.

Tip 7: Be Complete.

Are you telling all you know? Recognize the difference between lies, half-truths, omissions, and cover-ups. True, but incomplete, statements can lead to false conclusions; literal truths, when offered without complete explanations, can lead to literal lies. Knowing smiles accompanied by long silences can elicit wrong conclusions. Lying happens in numerous ways. Intentions stand center stage here. Ultimately, questionable intentions cast doubt about character.

Tip 8: Be Current.

Give up outdated data, opinions, and stereotypes. With information overload, data more than two or three years old can’t support your decisions. Correct, but outdated, statistics soon become incorrect. Recollect.

Tip 9: Be Clear.

Sometimes the better we understand something the worse job we do of explaining it; our familiarity makes us careless in describing it. It’s difficult to remember when we didn’t know something that has become second nature. Ambiguity creeps in when we least expect it. Meaning depends on context, tone, timing, personal experience, and reference points.

Back in the days when copier equipment was said to “burn copies,” an Army colonel hand-carried an important document to his new assistant and asked her to burn a copy. When the paper did not resurface on his desk in a few days, he discovered that the assistant had recently transferred from a high-security division. She had had the document incinerated. Are you clear? Are you sure? The best test of clarity is the result you see.

Tip 10: Avoid Exaggeration.

Was the score 50 to zip or 30 to 10? Did you have to wait half an hour or half a minute? Did the caller slam down the phone or hesitate to talk? Did the supplier raise the prices on your raw materials 10 percent or 2 percent? Exaggeration makes great humor but destroys credibility.

Tip 11: Evaluate Criticism and Objections.

If you reject or refute criticisms and objections out of hand, without hearing them out and giving yourself time to consider them fully, you lose credibility. People identify you as a reactor rather than a reflective, credible thinker. The more thorough your consideration of contradictory information the more credible your final opinion or decision.

Tip 12: Keep Confidences.

When people know you share personal, confidential matters about others with them, they’ll fear you’ll do the same thing where they’re concerned. Keeping confidences when “nobody would know you told” speaks volumes about character. Those who observe your discretion in deciding to keep quiet about hurtful or personal information involving others bridge to other favorable conclusions about your credibility in times of stress.

Tip 13: Avoid Lying “Offstage.”

When you lie to a third person in front of a second person and that second person knows you’re lying—for whatever reason—you lose credibility with the second person. Once observers have recognized your willingness to lie to others, they will doubt your truth-telling to them in a tight spot.

Tip 14: Be Sincere and Genuine.

Sincerity is easy to fake and hard to make. That is, people who pretend to be sincere can pitch an earnest plea, look at you with pleading eyes and straight face, and promise plums that dance in your head. But genuineness comes from character and is therefore harder to make. You either are or you aren’t. What you experience is what you share. What you value is what you give. What you say is what you believe.

Tip 15: Make Your Appearance Work for You.

Picture yourself lying on the operating table in a hospital emergency room. A guy in sweats and Nikes jogs toward your bedside and says, “I’m Kelly, the brain surgeon. I’ll be ready to operate in a moment. Just let me give you this shot first.” Would you have a few second thoughts? Appearance counts. Physical appearance, dress, grooming, posture, presence, and poise either underscore credibility or damage it. Look at the part you want to play so others will believe and applaud your lines.

1

From the looks on a few faces, I think you’re about through with my talk. All you have to do to get me to sit down is to start clapping…. Did I hear someone applaud? Thank you. (Be seated.)

2

(Glance at your watch.) My, my, how time flies when you’re having fun talking,… and philosophizing,… and telling people how to set the world straight. Here it is, already eight fifty-eight and three quarters. Let’s call it a night.

3

Well, I’m finished with what I had planned to say. Before I sit down, does anybody have a present for me? I don’t mean to be presumptuous or anything, but at the last place I spoke they gave me a new stereo system. Well, not exactly. They gave me an extension cord and said that the next time they invited me back, they’d give me the stereo to go with it. (Glance around.) No gift? Well, thanks anyway.

4

In wrapping up my talk, let me say that I’m a little disappointed about tonight. There are two people in the audience—former colleagues of mine whom I’d asked specifically to attend to give me their opinion on the talk. Both have gone to sleep. But then I guess sleep is an opinion. Maybe I’ll just keep polishing on this talk before I wake them.

5

Well, it’s ten o’clock and you’re still here. (Glance at meeting planner.) (Name), I don’t know what to do now. You see, here was our plan. If you were still here after dinner, (name) was going to talk about [insert]. Then if you were still here at eight, (name) was going to talk about [insert]. Then if you were still here at nine, I was supposed to give you my views about (subject covered). And then if you were still here at ten—we didn’t discuss what to do then. But, not to worry, I have a wallet full of grandbaby pictures. And in the trunk of my car I still have slides from our Colorado vacation. Oh,… I see there’s a little shuffling around now. Maybe we’d just better wrap this up without the extras.

6

Let me say in closing that I hope you couldn’t tell I ate before I spoke. A former pastor of mine always used to refuse a meal when a parishioner offered it, saying “no thanks” because he had to preach later. And more than once I heard members of our congregation say that as far as they were concerned he might as well have eaten. Well, I didn’t eat. How was it?

7

I want to close by sharing one little theory I have. To me, the mark of a gentle, considerate person is that he or she listens attentively to someone with very limited knowledge tell him what he already knows a lot about. Thank you for being so considerate tonight.

1

Thank you for your attention today. The nodding heads, the smiles—it’s very evident some of you are into assertive listening, and I’ve appreciated that. Good night and good work.

2

I wish you all good health, great happiness, and glowing success in whatever situation you find yourself.

3

Thank you for attending tonight. The concern you have shown by your presence has been a very meaningful gesture to all those involved. On their behalf, I again say thank you.

4

Well, there you have it—my news, my philosophy, my experience. It’s up to you to improve on it—and I hope you will.

5

Now comes the hard part—it’s time for you to think. I ask that you think briefly about [insert]. That you think hard about [insert]. And finally that you think creatively about the future. With all my best wishes. The rest is up to you.

6

Have a good night and a good life.

7

I hope we’ve grown together tonight in our sharing and in our understanding of this situation. Voicing the issues has certainly brought us closer to resolution.

8

As so many before me have added to my life in similar ways, I hope I’ve added to yours in some small way. God bless.

9

I don’t think I’ll ask for a show of hands of those who can now explain all the intricacies of (subject). But if you’re still confused, at least I hope it’s because of a broader knowledge base. Thank you for your patience on this complex issue.

10

I want to close by expressing my appreciation for your participation tonight. Your encouraging nods…. Your questions…. Your examples…. You have made my job very pleasant and I thank you.

11

If there’s one thing we in this room can all agree on, it’s that you’ve done an excellent job of sharing your feelings with each other. I hope I’ve been equally enlightening with new information you’ll find useful. Let’s thank each other.

12

I want to say thank you for your time and your emotional energy in listening to what I’ve had to say. Please continue to give it some thought. That’s all I can ask.

13

Thank you for your generosity in allowing me this forum today to share my ideas with you. I trust that we’ll both reap some benefits from the exchange.

14

Thank you very much for the recognition you’ve offered me by inviting me to address you tonight. With sincerity I say that it has been an honor for me.

15

As we celebrate together, let’s remember that tonight is more than an event. We are part of a much larger process—a process of learning, growing, creating. I look forward to what the future holds for all of us.

16

The food has been good, the networking better, and the program best. I thank each of you who’ve had a part in making this a memorable evening. Have a safe trip home.

17

Thank you for your enthusiastic attention—at least, it has seemed that way from my vantage point. I hope I’ve helped to make the path a little clearer and the future a little brighter.

18

This event has been our way of saying thank you for your commitment to the organization and your caring—so freely offered to the community. We hope you and your families have enjoyed the evening. Thank you for sharing with us on this occasion.

19

After this last half hour, I simply can’t identify with a former Congressman of mine. After one of his political rallies, a constituent came up to him and said, “Mr. Congressman, I’ve heard you talk for almost an hour now, and I still don’t know where you stand on the issue.”

“Fine,” the Congressman said. “It took me two days to write it that way.”
It took me almost as long to prepare for tonight, and, unlike the Congressman, I’ve intended to be very clear. This issue is important to me and to you.

20

Let me remind you of the father who always wrote a note to the teacher on his son’s first report card each semester. “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of her father’s side of the family.” The opinions I’ve expressed tonight are not necessarily those of my entire organization; they are my own. But I hope you’ll agree that each of us must make up his or her own mind about these issues and then express those opinions to influence whomever we can. Change is inevitable.

21

Let’s never look back unless we’re planning to head that way.

22

In closing, all I ask is that you consider thoughtfully the ideas I’ve shared. Mull them over while you’re waiting in line at the supermarket check-out or sitting in traffic. Ideas have a way of growing on you. I hope this one will take deep root and have a significant impact on your future.

23

In thinking of our heritage and what I’ve tried to say here tonight, remember your spelling. American ends with four profound and prophetic letters, “I can.”

1

Your attentive support has made my job rather easy tonight. I’ve tried to share four ways to [insert]. In return, I hope you’ll spread the message to your colleagues and friends.

2

I know that we’ve all been told that there’s nothing much we can do about the situation. Many of us may feel like the little girl who kept standing up in the front car seat. Finally, her mother pulled the car off onto the shoulder of the road and yanked the child down in the seat, fastening her into the seat belt. The little girl pouted and then after a minute snapped at her mother, “I may be sitting down, but in my heart I’m still standing up.”

Well, I identify with that feeling. This situation has us sitting down, but in my heart, I’m still standing up. And I’m asking that each of you stand up with me. I challenge you to find a way to change things at every opportunity.
As I see it, we’re all in this together. We’re at a decision point as a group and as individuals. We can sit and think. Or we can band together and act. I prefer to act. How about you?

3

I’ve not really said all I want to say on this subject, but I’m going to stop because my plane takes off in exactly two hours. However, I hope you’ll take off on these ideas immediately—within the hour. Tell a friend.

4

Thank you for your invitation, your attention, your support. All that remains is your action.

5

I’m tired of hearing the same answer to every question: “It depends.” If you, too, are ready for some straight answers, demand them. I encourage you to get vocal every chance you get.

6

I think many of us feel like the executive who had employees waking him up before dawn one morning. One called about a problem in Detroit and asked him to get on a plane and come help him out. Before he could get dressed, another one phoned from the plant across town to tell him about another problem and to ask what to do. Within the next hour, he’d had three more such calls. Without breakfast, he hurried out to the garage to find that his car wouldn’t start. So he called a taxi. And when the taxi driver pulled over and asked him where to, he muttered, “It doesn’t matter—they’ve got problems anywhere you take me.”
If we’re honest, we’ll have to say that our organization has problems—lots of them. And any of them can use our attention.

But my suggestion is that we get focused. I’ve tried to outline here today four key steps we need to take immediately. I challenge you to get their address and head in that direction.

7

Together we can accomplish great things—things more important and more meaningful than I’ve even outlined here tonight. You will be the final source of those good ideas. You will be the driving force that launches us in the right direction. More power to you.

8

Write…. Phone…. Fax…. Throw a tantrum in the middle of the street…. But do something. Your job depends on it.

1

I was certainly relieved to see this auditorium fill up at the last minute. The president and I both arrived early, talking about what to expect tonight. When he said that you usually had about 200 people and there were only four people here, I got a little worried. In fact, I just asked him outright, “Did you announce that I was going to address the meeting tonight?”

“No,” your president assured me, surveying the empty audience. “But it sure looks like word leaked out, didn’t it?”
Well, never mind. What I have to say is good for ten or 10,000.

2

Great. After listening to all of those wonderful things just said, I know exactly how a waffle feels when somebody smothers it with syrup.
Well, never mind. I’ve always had a sweet tooth. Just let me enjoy it. As you can imagine—where I’m concerned—such introductions are rare.

3

That meager applause didn’t bother me. I’ve had the wind knocked out of my sails before. In fact, when the program chairman introduced me at an engagement last week, she said, “We have only one speaker today. So, when he is finished speaking we can sit back and relax and enjoy ourselves because the rest of the program is going to be entertainment.”

4

Thank you, (name) for those gracious remarks. About the only thing you didn’t say about me was that I was born in a log cabin. And you were right. I wasn’t born in a log cabin. But my family did move into one as soon as they could afford it.

5

Thanks, (name) for that introduction. If I’d known I was going to be that good, I’d have gotten here earlier to get a better seat.

6

Thanks for such an introduction. I think the three most difficult things in the world to do are these:
1) Hang on to a bucking bronco,
2) Eat melted ice cream with a fork, and
3) Live up to that flattering introduction you just gave me.

7

I think I should warn you at the outset—I’m just a mediocre speaker. But there’s a bright side to that. You never know when you have a bad day.

8

I know some of you had doubts about my being here tonight. The state of my health and all. In fact, after I sent in the photo they used in the publicity brochure, someone from your office called, quite concerned. She said, “Mr. (name), if you look like your photo, are you sure you’re well enough to accept this invitation?”

9

Before I get into my talk, I just want to remind you that I come free—no fee attached. And you usually get what you pay for. That reminder out of the way, let’s talk about….

10

Speaking on the designated topic, I feel a lot like the bureaucrat who addressed a group of farmers about the government’s policy on drought. After the program was over, the speaker asked a farmer in the audience how he thought the talk was received by the rest of the group. The farmer answered, “You did okay, but a good hard rain would’ve done a heck of a lot more for us.”

Likewise, I don’t know what I’m going to say that will lessen the impact of [insert]. But I’ll do my darnedest.

11

I noticed that some of you were already yawning before I got up here. But I’m not offended. On the contrary,… I take it as a compliment. In expectation of my talk, you were yawning to take in more oxygen to the brain so that you’d be more alert. So, if you yawn, as I get further into the talk, don’t worry about it—I’ll just talk with more fervor.

12

Thank you for this opportunity to address you as a group. I’ve always loved motivational speakers, and now I am one. In fact, I still remember the first really superb motivational speaker I ever heard—(name). He encouraged us as new employees just embarking on our career to improve the world—to go out and establish a sound financial policy for business and for government, and to eliminate poverty and crime in the world. As you can see, the results speak for themselves. So, I feel fully capable of motivating you to do likewise today.

13

That was such a glowing introduction I hardly recognized myself. But didn’t it sound good? I can’t wait to hear what I’m going to say.

14

You know, you’re lucky this is an after-dinner speech. They say that hearing is considerably dulled by eating—I suppose that’s nature’s way of protecting us from boredom.

15

I’d like to introduce myself—you’ll see me listed on the program before you. I’m “speaker pending.” If my talk’s interesting enough, they’ll fill in the real name later.

16

You’ve heard of “Who’s Who” listings. Who’s Who in Science. Who’s Who in the Arts. Well, I’m more in the category of “Who’s He?”

17

Some of you have probably spent a lot of time tracing your family history, your roots. But I never did like research. So I just decided to offer to speak somewhere and let the meeting planner and newsletter editor do that research for me. In that introduction, you’ve just heard and read more about me than I knew myself. You did a fine job, (name). Thank you. May I have a copy to send to my folks?

18

Thank you, (name), for that wonderful introduction. Praise has many effects on man. It makes a wise man modest, but a fool more arrogant. Now, listen up, you dunderheads, and I’ll tell you how to set the world straight.

19

Hello. That was a wonderful meal, and I see some of you are still sipping your coffee. You may want to put those cups aside, however, now that I’m speaking—the caffeine may keep you awake.

20

They say a prophet is not respected in his own country. Well, I’ll have to admit that’s so in my case. My own company sometimes has a less-than-high regard for my abilities to forecast the future in our industry. And as I was rubbing my Pet Rock, drinking my New Coke, and listening to my quadraphonic sound system, I tried to figure out the problem about credibility. Nevertheless, I have a few ideas to share about the future….

21

I want to begin by welcoming each of you and especially those of you I know personally. I only wish that my family could have been here. My father would have really enjoyed that introduction. My mother would have believed it.

22

Thank you, (name), for allowing me time on the program. I promise to be brief—no matter how long it takes me to get my ideas out.

23

Hello. I want you to know that I take speeches and pre-meeting promotional literature very seriously. In case you don’t recall, your invitation promised, “The lunch will be delicious, the networking opportunities excellent, and the program brief.” I can handle brief.

24

As you may know, you don’t pay speakers to address your group. And, of course, that’s fine with me as long as I know your money is going elsewhere for a good cause. (Name of meeting planner) did offer me a small honorarium, which I refused. And she seemed rather happy because she said that you all contribute individually before each program. You’ll be happy to know that she put the honorarium intended for me back into the group’s fund. She said that contribution would bring you pretty close to your total goal—for a coffeepot.

25

For those of you whose sense of guilt got you out of bed this morning after such a long week, I offer my admiration.

26

I’m going to speak today about [insert program topic], and you’re going to listen. I hope you don’t finish before I do.

27

As I stand before you, I can’t help thinking about the man who was killed in a recent flash flood. He made his way to heaven, and at the Pearly Gates he was asked to give his case history—to tell the story of how he died and came to heaven. This he obligingly did. St. Peter thought the story so interesting that he asked the new arrival if he would agree to give a talk to the other angels in heaven, telling them all about the flood and his demise. The newly arrived resident of heaven was very much flattered, and he immediately accepted the invitation. As he flew away, a kind young angel tugged at the sleeve of his robe and said, “Sir, I think I ought to tell you that Noah will be in the audience.”

That’s exactly how I feel about addressing you this morning—a roomful of Noahs—on the subject of….

28

Yesterday as I thought of this talk, I grew a little panicked because I know how valuable your time away from the job is. Taking out my notes, I tried to eliminate everything that you might already know about [insert topic] and concentrate on just the few important insights I might be able to add to your considerable knowledge.

So, in conclusion,…

29

Thank you for allowing me this slot on your program. A keynote, after-dinner speaker. I’m flattered. Up until this meeting, I was just an after-snack speaker.

30

Good evening. I appreciate the opportunity to address a group such as this, my peers in the industry. If I don’t seem larger than life, it’s because I’m not. But try to keep in mind that it’s not I who speaks, but life within me. And believe me I’ve had an eventful life. I chose to make my own mistakes,… to learn by doing rather than simply observing others’ experiences.

31

I’m reminded of the fellow who was once introduced at a similar luncheon meeting as the most gifted businessman in the country—evidenced by the fact that he had made a million dollars in California oil.

When he rose to speak, he appeared a bit embarrassed. The facts as reported were essentially correct, he said, but he felt compelled to state that it wasn’t oil,… it was coal,… and it wasn’t California,… it was Pennsylvania,… and just to keep the record straight, it wasn’t a million,… it was a hundred thousand,… and it wasn’t me,…it was my brother,… and he didn’t make it,… he lost it.

Matters of fact aside, though, I’m grateful for those kind words and for this opportunity to talk with you today.

32

Before I start, I’d like to assert that I’m better than sunshine. Pardon me, but I just feel the necessity to say that. After the last time I spoke, I heard a nice little lady walking out with her husband say what an inspirational speaker she thought I was. And her husband turned to her and snapped, “Thirty minutes of bright sunshine would have done me more good.”

Well, that hurt my feelings, and I just want to remind you that the sun isn’t out today. So there’s no use making a comparison.

33

Let me say at the outset that I’m considered a very good speaker. In fact, at my last engagement as the crowd was leaving, several came by, shook my head, and told me how much they had enjoyed the talk. Except for one old geezer. He shook his head and told me it was the sorriest speech he’d ever heard. Talk about embarrassed. I was. But then the president made me feel a lot better. He overheard the comment and rushed over to assure me, “Don’t give that comment a second thought. That guy’s a half-wit. He’s never had an original thought in his mind. Just repeats what he hears everybody else saying.”

34

I’m really pleased that you invited me to speak in such nice surroundings. The accommodations and acoustics are wonderful. Not like the last place I spoke. There was so much hall noise and interruptions that I couldn’t even hear myself. Of course, a couple of attendees assured me that I hadn’t missed much.

35

I think it’s important that you get to know me—my personality and all—before I start into my real speech. And, of course, in this kind of a situation, it’s a little difficult to get to know each of you intimately. So maybe I’ll just tell you a little about myself. I’m kind of a “life-of-the-party” type. But then I guess that gives you a pretty good idea of how dull the parties I attend are.

36

I feel that I should warn you—you’re guinea pigs tonight. Yes, I’m trying out some new ideas and I’d like your honest feedback when I finish. To tell you the truth, I’m thinking of writing a book on this subject, and I’d like to have your opinion after I’m finished. I’ve already talked to a publisher, who once commented to the press that every public speaker has a good book in him. When I phoned him to talk about my particular subject and expertise, I reminded him of his earlier remark. And he reaffirmed that belief: “I’m still sure that’s true that every speaker has a book in him—and I think that, in your case, that’s where it should stay.”

37

I’ve been selected as your speaker. You’re my audience. It’s my job to talk to you and it’s your job to listen. If you finish before I do, let me know.

1

Chairman _____. Members of _______. Family members. Honored attendees. Friends.

Welcome and thank you for coming. It’s great to stand before such a distinguished and beautiful audience. And rarely do I get to say that, not having the privilege of speaking to predominantly female groups. And looking out over this crowd, I can say one thing for sure. Anybody who says this is a man’s world is probably not too bright about other things either.

I want to recognize one especially distinguished guest tonight. In this industry, his name has truly become a household word. He has been the catalyst and converter for [insert]. The (type) industry owes him its future. (Name), would you please stand and accept our gratitude.

2

(Name) is with us tonight. Were I to list (name)’s contributions to our profession and community, the credits would be longer than those that roll across your latest movie screen. You’ve read them everywhere, so I won’t repeat them tonight. Let me just say we’re honored that you’re here.

3

The letters after (name)’s name sound like alphabet soup. Ph.D. CPS. CPAE. CPE. But I’ll try to translate all those distinguished titles into plain English: This is one successful tycoon. Give him a hearty welcome.

4

Don’t you like suspenseful movies, those that keep you on the edge of your seat? Don’t you like the part where the detective or the private eye cleverly gathers all the suspects and interested parties in one room and then suddenly reveals the true killer? Or the movies where, right to the very end, you don’t know which of the nice guys will win the girl?

Well, I feel much the same way tonight. I could turn to several of you gathered here—(names of distinguished guests or honorees for award)—and say “You did it.” Or, “You won.” Or, “You have been successful.” “You have done what it takes to make a successful career and a successful company.” The rest of us have the utmost respect for your talent and your achievement.

I take great pleasure in introducing our distinguished guest tonight, (name). Her responsibilities are many and heavy. Among them, she is totally responsible for [insert], [insert], and [insert]. With great respect and admiration, I present to you (name).