In a recent interview on the Today show, the musician Jon Bon Jovi told Matt Lauer how much he enjoyed working as an actor with Matthew McConaughey on the movie U-571. As an inexperienced actor, Bon Jovi looked to McConaughey as a leader and wasn’t disappointed. Bon Jovi said that it wasn’t what McConaughey said but what he did that helped him. Leaders teach by example whether they know they’re doing it or not. Do you remember the first time an adult said to you, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Did it strike you as ridiculous at the time? If it didn’t then, it certainly should now. Your development as a leader won’t go very far if you don’t learn this lesson. People inside and outside of your organization will learn more from you about leadership, for good or ill, from what you do than from what you say.

Learning about learning is a hot topic in many workplaces. Businesses in general have reached the conclusion that if they’re not learning about their customers, themselves, and their future on a daily basis they’re losing the race. I’ve observed many management team meetings where leaders have discussed learning strategies and opportunities for their people to get smarter. I haven’t listened in on conversations where they’ve challenged each other and reported on their personal earning goals. And that’s a problem. People will believe that learning is part of their job in your organization by watching whether or not you’re learning.

So, let’s talk about what you’re learning. I hope you can answer this question with two things in mind. First is that you’d be excited to share the skill you’re learning that will make you better at doing your job. It would be great if you could also share how you’re learning. Is it a formal process or a self-study situation? You would tell how you were taking what you’ve learned and practiced and applied it in a real-life situation. You would be willing to share how you might have failed as you tried new skills and how you appreciated the feedback you got from others as you practiced. You would look and sound excited as you described how this learning was making your work easier, more efficient, and more fun.

Then, you would move on to telling us about what you were learning in your personal life. Your face would light up as you described your movement into uncharted waters. Who your teacher was. How often you got to practice what you were learning. How you realized that this personal learning was giving you insights about your business situation—an unexpected bonus. How something could be frustrating and fun at the same time.

After a conversation like this, I’d know you were a lifelong learner and I’d be challenged. Way to go, leader!

When coaches and mentors ask this question, they’re taking responsibility in two areas—the quality of training programs and the quality of work experiences. Covers a lot of ground for a seven-word question doesn’t it?

Let’s start with training. Training sessions that impart vast quantities of information without considerable time for asking questions and practicing are a waste of time. Adults learn when they do, not when they hear. Imagine observing a class on interviewing skills. You watch the students listen to the instructor; some even take notes. A video is shown that presents several situations where interviews go well and go wrong. There is a brief discussion after the video; the instructor asks for questions and answers the few that are asked. People fill out their evaluation forms and leave the room. See any problem with that?

Try another scenario. Imagine observing a class on open-heart surgery. You watch the students listen to the instructor; some even take notes. A video is shown that presents several operations where the surgery goes well and goes wrong. There is a brief discussion after the video; the instructor asks for questions and answers the few that are asked. People fill out their evaluation forms and leave the room. Do you have any desire to have that surgeon operate on you?

You might be questioning whether it’s fair to put interviewing skills in the same category with open-heart surgery, but look at it this way. Is the skill set used by a person hiring a key employee for your organization any less important than the skill set of the surgeon who is walking into the operating room where you’re the one on the surgical table? Demand that any training program your people are attending has been designed by professionals who know how adults learn and makes practice the most important part of the session.

Once someone has learned a new skill and practiced it in a learning setting, they have to be able to use the skill in a real-life situation. That’s the quality-of-work experience part of this question. You wouldn’t be comfortable with a surgeon who told you that she’d had extensive classroom experience doing open-heart procedures but that you were going to be her first real patient, would you? You’d want her to have assisted many times and you’d like to know she’d be operating with an experienced surgeon at her side.

How about your mentee? After they’ve taken that class you agreed upon, how are they going to get the real world experiences they need to cement their learning in a reality-based context? You need to help them get the right assignments, the right support as they use their new skills, and the right feedback to help them polish their newly learned technique.

And you thought being a coach was a snap.