In a recent interview on the Today show, the musician Jon Bon Jovi told Matt Lauer how much he enjoyed working as an actor with Matthew McConaughey on the movie U-571. As an inexperienced actor, Bon Jovi looked to McConaughey as a leader and wasn’t disappointed. Bon Jovi said that it wasn’t what McConaughey said but what he did that helped him. Leaders teach by example whether they know they’re doing it or not. Do you remember the first time an adult said to you, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Did it strike you as ridiculous at the time? If it didn’t then, it certainly should now. Your development as a leader won’t go very far if you don’t learn this lesson. People inside and outside of your organization will learn more from you about leadership, for good or ill, from what you do than from what you say.

Learning about learning is a hot topic in many workplaces. Businesses in general have reached the conclusion that if they’re not learning about their customers, themselves, and their future on a daily basis they’re losing the race. I’ve observed many management team meetings where leaders have discussed learning strategies and opportunities for their people to get smarter. I haven’t listened in on conversations where they’ve challenged each other and reported on their personal earning goals. And that’s a problem. People will believe that learning is part of their job in your organization by watching whether or not you’re learning.

So, let’s talk about what you’re learning. I hope you can answer this question with two things in mind. First is that you’d be excited to share the skill you’re learning that will make you better at doing your job. It would be great if you could also share how you’re learning. Is it a formal process or a self-study situation? You would tell how you were taking what you’ve learned and practiced and applied it in a real-life situation. You would be willing to share how you might have failed as you tried new skills and how you appreciated the feedback you got from others as you practiced. You would look and sound excited as you described how this learning was making your work easier, more efficient, and more fun.

Then, you would move on to telling us about what you were learning in your personal life. Your face would light up as you described your movement into uncharted waters. Who your teacher was. How often you got to practice what you were learning. How you realized that this personal learning was giving you insights about your business situation—an unexpected bonus. How something could be frustrating and fun at the same time.

After a conversation like this, I’d know you were a lifelong learner and I’d be challenged. Way to go, leader!

This question is probably the most blatantly selfish question in the entire section. Finding good questions becomes an obsession for leaders who learn the value and power of asking questions. What better way to find questions than to ask for them?

Asking for questions within your organization works for a while. Every leader, even those who don’t make questioning a priority, will have a few questions they routinely ask. But you’ll often find that within an organization, questions seem to cluster around certain themes. Asking for new questions from people who come from different organizational backgrounds will provide you with a whole new set of possible questions.

But there is another, less selfish reason for asking this question of a new hire. Their reaction will provide you with insights into their comfort with a leader who asks questions. Some people will eagerly share questions, some will haltingly respond with a question, and others will stare blankly as if you’ve asked the most bizarre question ever uttered.

The eager sharer is telling you either that they’ve joined your team from a question-rich culture or that they understand the power of questions and are happy to share. Work with this new employee to strengthen their commitment to questioning and to encourage them to share new questions as they find them.

The slow responder is letting you know that they haven’t had a lot of experience with leaders who ask questions but are willing to participate. Make sure you thank them for their contribution and encourage them to make others in the future. Keep them in mind for some gentle questioning in the near future so you can help them understand this part of your leadership style.

The blank looker is harder to read. They may be confused by a leader who asks questions, frightened by this level of interaction with their new leader, or genuinely surprised by the action of a leader asking them for their opinion. No matter which interpretation might be accurate, don’t jump to a conclusion. It’s now your job to find out which of these (or any of many other explanations) is the right one.

No matter which situation you encounter with this question, like asking any good question of the right person at the right time, you’ll get valuable information that you’ll be able to use in the future.

Some people seem to think our network is a kind of a store a dey just pick what dey want without sharin’ anythin’!

You can help everybody gettin’ rid of them by boycottin’ them that way:

You “browse” each uploadin’ user.

If he/she shares more than, say, a hundred files (and NOT in de WinMx directory only, puttin’ them elsewhere and unshared when entirely downloaded !!!), OK.

NB: a hundred is not a lot but 1- we don’t all have a large HDD and some files are big 2- when you begin!

If not:

You can send a message to him/her to ask why dere is no real share, or not at all, for dey can have forgotten to do so: give them a chance! The first time, I didn’t understand that I had to choose de shared files types, so I shared nothin’, unwillin’ly. Somebody told it to me in a message.

If no answer and/or still no shared file, you can exclude de selfish beast:

To block somebody from downloadin’, add de name to your HOTLIST (right-click de name den “Add to hotlist”) den to your IGNORE list.

You won’t receive any messages nor will dey enter your queue, durin’ that session at least.

On de contrary, you can help people who share a lot by startin’ de transfer when dey are in your queue, or give a higher bandwith priority.